As part of a lifestyle and aging series, we’re working with renowned photographer Terry Lorant to showcase inspirational leaders in the industry. Each month, we’ll feature one or a few inspirational member(s) of the Amazing Care Network community who is using his or her voice to empower others in the collective aging experience — and read, in their own words, what the Amazing Care Network’s efforts mean to them.

This month, we’re proud to feature Michelle Doster, Sales Director of ACN’s sister company, Sterling Administration:

I’ve been a sales director with Sterling for 3 years.   We do ride-alongs with Cora, our CEO, to meet the brokers and clients, and during those times I’ve gotten to know her and talk about all sorts of things. (It’s unheard of in corporate America that someone in my position would have direct access to the CEO.)  We’ve both had caregiving issues with our families…my mom passed away from cancer, and Cora had also lost somebody.  So we connected on those topics…hospice, and taking care of family members.

When Cora told me about her idea for the Amazing Care Network, it really resonated with me.  My mom was diagnosed with cancer in 2005. At that time, I took a leave of absence from my job to care for her for about 9 months until she ultimately passed away.  Losing a family member, going through the illness with them, then the whole hospice process…the toll that it takes on a family to care for somebody is just enormous. There are so many families facing these issues, and they struggle with figuring out who will be responsible for taking care of a parent or grandparent or loved one.  

My husband’s mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.  She has all sons, and they’re trying to figure out her care while everybody’s working. Again, Amazing Care is a good solution for that side of my family.  It’s a benefit to help people as they’re working, as they’re trying to navigate being caretakers and to financially help support family members who might not be prepared for long-term illnesses.

From the start, just the diagnosis of a condition…it can take a while to figure out what’s really going on, what’s really the matter with your family member.  It took a while for us to learn that my mom had the cancer.  They didn’t diagnose it right away.  She initially presented with a cough, and the doctors thought she just had some inflammation of the bronchial tubes.  It was only much later that they did an X-ray of her lungs.  She was a non-smoker, so they didn’t immediately think lung cancer.  And by the time they figured it out, she was Stage 4.  One of the benefits of Amazing Care is having physicians available that you can talk to when you’re not sure that you’re getting the right care and the right information from your primary care physician…that’s a huge help.  A lot of times, I find that older patients can be pushed aside if they don’t have advocates.  It’s important for family members to be informed about what to ask and to be assertive in requesting information.  

It’s a big benefit to have the support of other people who are aging…it helps just to be able to talk with other people about what they’re going through as they are aging or as they are dealing with an illness.  My grandparents are in their late 80s and still value their independence. They’re experiencing more pains and things are slowing down…my grandfather had to have cataract surgery, and that affected his ability to drive.  They’re dealing with the emotional and psychological issues that come with things like “I can’t do the things that I used to do”.  So, here again, having a support network, and being able to talk with other people is a good benefit to have. I’m planning to bring my grandparents to the next Amazing Care tea. And I also want to connect them to some of the Physician-Friends-of-the-Family network, because they have some issues that have yet to be resolved.

When my mom was diagnosed, it was hard for us to accept.  She was never a smoker.  We learned that the disease was becoming more common, especially among women.  She was only 52.  My siblings and my stepdad were all involved, but I decided that I needed to be there for her full time.  My job required a lot of out of state travel, so I took a leave.   

One thing I learned is that life is exhausting for caretakers.  I was the day person who would take her to medical appointments while everyone else was working.  I cooked for her and made sure that she ate and was just there with her.  I’m so glad that I was able to take that time.  I didn’t know she was gong to pass away…we thought she was going to come through.  But, she got progressively worse, and dealing with her fears of dying, and our fears…you have to work through that. At the same time, you act as a counselor, and try to encourage their spirits.  You have to stay strong to see them kind of regressing.  Toward the end, it became harder to understand what she was going through…you think you do, but you really don’t understand the pain that they’re in.

Amazing Care provides a way for people to contribute financially to their future care needs.  My mom was a mail carrier for 18 years; she had her disability policy, so we were fine on that level.  But other families may not be prepared for the loss of income that comes when you have to step away from your work and be a full-time caregiver.  Plus, it’s a way for family members (and friends) to help each other during these times.

My mom raised us to be really close and to stick together.  She was a great mom.  So we just rallied around her.  We found the support with each other.  A lot of the time, I thought she was gong to come through it. I didn’t want to believe the reports.  We’re a Christian family, very much believers.  We had a strong faith that she was going to come through, and that gave her comfort. I found myself being her advocate when the medical establishment was not taking her complaints seriously.  I would push for her and investigate different options as we tried to figure out the best course of action.

I realized after she passed, it’s kind of like a relief.  I felt that.  Because it weighs on the caretaker as well…trying to keep them up and you’re not getting the rest that you need because they are your focus.  When you’re caring for somebody, it can be isolating.  You can feel like nobody understands what’s happening here.  So some of the resource and the benefit of the Amazing Care Network is that you can have many hands involved, lifting up and supporting.  I like that with ACN, you have access to help and empathy from others who are actually going through this.

Join ACN! Learn more HERE. If you’re an ACN Member and would like to be featured, please contact amazingcarenetwork@gmail.com.