As part of a lifestyle and aging series, we’re working with renowned photographer Terry Lorant to showcase inspirational leaders in the industry. Each month, we’ll feature one or a few inspirational member(s) of the Amazing Care Network community who is using his or her voice to empower others in the collective aging experience — and read, in their own words, what the Amazing Care Network’s efforts mean to them.

This month, we’re proud to feature Candice Eggerss, an Amazing Care Network Board Member:

Q:  How did you first meet Cora?

I met Cora through a woman I met at the International Women’s Forum of which I am a member.  She was launching a new venture capital fund in health care and I’m a partner in a venture capital firm, so we had a lot to share.  She invited me to dinner with some of her friends at her home and that is where I met Cora.  Cora and I had a great conversation and agreed to meet for breakfast where I told her about my interest in joining boards.  At our second meeting  she invited me to look at the board of Amazing Care to see if it would be of interest.   I’ve served on the boards of several of our venture portfolio companies and I found that I really enjoyed that role as, among other benefits, it is a great way to stay current on new developments in technology and science. Also, I believe my expertise in finance, accounting, investment and risk management is of value to any board. 

I reviewed the board material that Cora gave me and I was impressed and moved by the Amazing Care Network mission of providing people with information and resources to enable them to age with dignity.  We agreed to meet again, at which point she said, “I want you on my board”.  I was pleased because up until that point, I’d been targeting small cap technology companies for potential board seats because that’s where my expertise lies, and because they have so few women on their boards.

My first concern was, I had little experience in health care services.  Cora said, I have two other board members who know everything about health care.   I want you because you’re strong in finance, accounting, and you’re connected with the venture capital community; this is a start up and that’s what I think you can bring to us.  I wanted to think about it and meet the other board members before accepting which I did in January 2016.    

I’m now on 4 boards, two private, for-profit and two non-profit boards. My fellow ACN board members are on public and private boards and have been for many years, and I value their experience and knowledge and am learning a lot which is key for me.  And that was my introduction to the Amazing Care Network.  In addition to being on the board, I am also an investor and member which gives me a further understanding of ACN.The business model is still evolving which means as a board we can have meaningful impact.  My two fellow board members had been investors in Sterling Administration, Cora’s prior startup, and that business has been very successful for all involved. They both said that if Cora has a new idea, count us in!  I consider it an honor to be part of a Cora creation.  She’s smart, innovative, ambitious, and held in high regard by everyone she knows.  And importantly, she treats her employees with respect and operates her companies in a very socially responsible manner.  I’m well versed in the field of impact investing and Cora’s companies would score very highly in the rankings of sustainable enterprises.

Q:  What has been your experience with aging?

My interest in serving on the ACN board wasn’t just professional but also very personal.  About 10 years ago, when my parents were then 81, they took a trip to Florida where my mother contracted pneumonia. Up to that point she’d had essential tremors for about 20 years, although it had never affected her life except that she’d been a fantastic ER nurse and had taken early retirement because the condition was interfering with her abilities.  She was hospitalized and I flew there immediately and brought them home 10 days later.  From there my mother started to deteriorate.   The doctors never diagnosed the problem.  She started falling a lot, broke her back, then her pelvis, and for 2 years she continued to decline and started exhibiting symptoms of mild dementia as well.  My dad refused to give up taking care of her at home which became increasingly difficult.  Even though he’d never cooked a meal in his life (my mother had always taken care of him),  he just could not see putting her in an assisted living facility. To him that was just unacceptable.  

Ultimately, the physical toll was too great and he agreed to have her moved out of the home.  Fortunately, I’d done the research and knew where she should go when the time came.  My sister and my parents live about two hours from me, northeast of Sacramento in a retirement community.  We moved her into the assisted living facility which was just minutes from their home.  That week was probably one of the most difficult weeks of my life because she was, and she still is, pretty sound of mind, and she was just shocked that this was happening to her. My father didn’t sleep for 10 days, he was in such bad shape.  

She’s now been in assisted living for 8 years.  She just turned 91.  In addition to essential tremors, she also has Parkinson’s which was diagnosed about 5 years ago.  She’s got mild dementia, she’s lost teeth, her hands are crippled, and she doesn’t walk.  Three years ago she went into hospice because she was having swallowing difficulties and after 6 months or so, they recommended taking her off all of her meds because she was unable to swallow.  She was taking a huge number of meds for essential tremors, Parkinson’s, high blood pressure, cholesterol, calcium deficiency, thyroid, just name it…  They advised us to plan her funeral.  So, my sister, my dad and I planned the funeral.  We picked out the casket, talked to the pastor, picked out the hymns, and they took away all her meds.  

And she got better!  That was 3 years ago.  Two weeks ago, my husband and I celebrated her 91st birthday with her, and had a donut party at her facility. She blew out her candles, and we asked her what her wish was and she said “to be 100”.  And that is even more remarkable, because my father passed away in February.  People were shocked he was 91.  He was erect, he was spry, he went to the gym every morning.  He had terrible heart problems…he went into cardiac arrest two years ago.  Fortunately he was in the hospital so they could revive him.  He had 3 stents put in…he had kidney disease.  This is all happening during the time my mom has been in assisted living.  She’s known none of this, because we kept it from her.  Dad had been living at home, driving his car, cooking his meals, visiting mom.  When the time came, he went fast, in his own home, which is how he wanted to go, with a heart attack.  We thought mom would go very quickly after dad went.  But, she’s got her eyes on 100!

I’ve spent a 3-day weekend every month visiting with my parents for the last 10 years.  I used to go to church with my dad, and now I still go, even without him.  I’ve gotten to know the pastor quite well.  A couple of months ago, she opened the sermon…the story was about Lazarus, rising from the dead.  She began by saying “I want to tell you about Candice’s mother  When I first met her, the family was planning her funeral.  I went to visit her, and she was bedridden and could barely talk.  They took away her meds and she began to revive.  And the next time I went she was sitting up in bed, and the next time I went she was in her chair, and she’s still with us today. And I asked her, ‘what made you revive, what made you come back?  You were on your deathbed’.  And she said, ‘trust and obey, for there is no other way’.”  My reaction was, “what? I’ve never heard my mother say that!  Where did that come from?”  And the pastor continued, “I went home and looked it up.  It comes from a very old Presbyterian hymn”.  Well, we’re Lutheran, no Presbyterians in the family.  I had no idea she knew the phrase.  I went from church to see mom and I asked her “do you know this ‘trust and obey’?”  and she followed right on with “for there is no other way”.  She believes that she’s supposed to trust God and obey Him and that means you live as long as you can.  That is what keeps her going.  I just find that really awesome.  It amazes me.  For three years now, my mom has taken not one pill.  Nothing.  So that’s my miracle mother story.  I do think that one of the reasons she’s still alive is because you can count on two hands, the number of days that either my dad, my sister or I didn’t visit her.  

To segue into my affinity for Amazing Care Network…I’ve seen it all…My mom’s been in the nursing home with broken bones, I’ve seen what it’s like to be in assisted living.  Every person who was there when my mother joined has died. There’s only one person who’s been there longer than she has.  The turnover is amazing.  I’ve seen good practices and bad practices.  I’ve seen what kind of care my dad got as he was recuperating from cardiac arrest for 6 months with oxygen at home.  And I’ve seen what little resources/support there is, particularly around food.  If not for my sister and I, it’s pretty clear our parents would have been gone a long time ago.  And unfortunately, I see that a lot in these assisted living homes.  People drop their parents off, and that’s it…

Some of my friends have remarked: “I can’t believe how much time you spend with your parents”.  And I look at them and I say “I don’t know how not to do that”.  Maybe it’s the way we were raised…there’s just something about it…it’s just what you do.  You take care of your parents.  They gave us so much, it’s the least we can do. You realize you come full circle…now they’re the children and you’re the caregiver.  It’s just giving back.  We miss my dad terribly. I had been spending 3 days a month with him.  And I’m sorry my mother ended up in this condition, but the gift that it gave me was getting to know my father a lot better, and we had a great relationship.

I have a friend whose beloved aunt told her “every time I’m told I have to give something up, I look at what do I get in return.  For instance, I’ve been told I can’t drive anymore, so I said to myself, OK, I can’t drive any more, that means I get to spend more time reading, because I’m not behind the wheel of my car.” And that struck me, what a great attitude.  What a wonderful way, as you grow older, and you start having to give up on things, to be able to say ‘I have to give that up, but there must be something wonderful I’m getting in return’.  

After having been through everything, the umpteen doctors visits, the nursing homes, hospitals, assisted living, I felt there were things, even at the end, that my sister and I got wrong.  Because there’s no textbook, there’s no blueprint.  

And that’s why Cora came up with the idea for Amazing Care.  I want to make sure I have it all planned out, for every step, and that I go into old age accepting it, rather than fighting it, because my dad was really stubborn, and he went fighting into old age all the way.  Maybe that kept him going.  But I hope I’m a little more accepting and understanding of the process.

I’ve seen elder abuse around money, I’ve seen abuse around caregivers…a neighbor we had found a caregiver in the paper and they ended up being robbed of most of their savings.  You have to be very careful.  Even dealing with doctors. My mother had a neurologist, a bone specialist, a regular doctor…and they don’t talk to each other.  Same with my dad…he had 5 or 6 different doctors.  He went to the kidney clinic and was told, you can’t eat these foods, and then he went to the heart clinic and they said don’t eat those foods, but those are the only ones he could eat per the kidney clinic.  There’s nobody who coordinates all that.  Supposedly the pharmacy watches out for drug interactions, but people don’t fully understand what’s going on.  That’s what was going on with my mom…she was being killed by the meds.  She swallows just fine today.

Mom has memory issues, but at least she doesn’t have Alzheimer’s.  She knows who we are.  She cries every time we come to visit because she’s just so happy to see us.  My sister and I are both so blessed because we don’t have a mother who weeps every time we leave and cries “don’t go, don’t go!”  What she says is “how can I ever repay you? I’m so thankful for everything you’ve done for us”.  

Q:  How do you see the support role that ACN plays? 

What Cora wants to build is a network, to help people find others who are in similar situations and provide financial and health care resources to support them.  Just talking about it…I could write down all the things we missed or did wrong.  But it’s the shared experiences that are so important. When somebody tells you, ‘my dad just got diagnosed with this’ and you can say, ‘these are the things you want to watch out for, these are the questions you should ask’…I think that’s what ACN is looking to achieve.  It’s in part a way to connect with friends and neighbors.  People aren’t natural networkers, so the challenge is, how do you get people to avail themselves of other people who are in similar situations.  And also having those expert networks, the retired doctors, the pharmacologists…engaging with the website…we keep adding resources.

Everybody shares the issue…you’re getting older…a sibling or a parent, or somebody you need to care for…it’s a place you can go to for support.

Q:  Caregiving at a distance?  Advice?  

My sister lives 5 minutes from both my dad and mother.  I’m very fortunate that she and I are simpatico in how we approach things.  I know a lot of sibling relationships that have fallen apart over caregiving.  I call her my SOS, “sibling on site”. My husband has three SOS’s.  Both his parents are in their 90’s and live in Chicago in their own house and have their own car.  His three siblings are there locally. My sister and I are both advocates for my mother both at her residence and with doctors.  This role is so important – everyone should have someone in their life who can accompany them or speak for them in times of stress.  Now we’re dealing with my dad’s estate, even though he had everything nailed down, it’s so complicated dealing with it all. My sister and I look at each other and say, we’re both college educated, we’re pretty capable.  How do people do this?  Navigate the banks, and the social security and the direct deposits, and the changing of accounts.  It’s a nightmare!  That’s something else that happens when people lose a spouse, and they have to go through the process by themselves…and they need a caregiver to help navigate all of that. Otherwise, these people can just bureaucrat you to death, it’s awful.  

I’m fortunate that I’ve been within driving distance.  I know people who have had to drop everything and give up a lot and get on a plane because they’re an only child, or they just don’t have the support.  And my sister and I couldn’t have done as much as we have without the support and love from our husbands, who have been generous with their time and are equally devoted to the care of our parents and their own. 

Q: How are you imagining your own next 20 years?

I think we’re going to have a lot of options actually, more so than our parents generation did.  I know people who say “I never want to leave my home, I want to stay in my home”.  I get that, but I also see the benefits to my mother being in her assisted living situation. She’s a very social person and always has been. There was an option to have round the clock home health care and keep her at home.  But the quality of life, for both of them, would not have been as good as it has been with her getting out.  It would have been very isolating for them, especially my mother.  To this day, she goes to every activity all day long. She’s the queen of bingo, she goes to the cooking class, to the dominoes class. She likes to sit out in the lobby and just hang out.  That’s something I think about, because I too am very social. So I don’t think being in my own home and having somebody come take care of me and bring my food every day…to me that’s not a really attractive option.  I’ve talked with my girlfriends…we’d all like to live in a house together and hire a care giver to take care of us. And we’ll play our bridge and have our book club discussions and do the things we like to do in the company of our close friends. Those kinds of places are starting to pop up.  You can form it yourself.  These villages that I now hear about are kind of intriguing, where all the support services you need are provided for you, for a fee. You get to stay in your own private space, but you’re also communicating with other people and socializing.  This is also where I think Amazing Care can be huge…my parents were middle class, they owned their own home, and lived on a pension and social security.  The bill for my mother is now up to hundreds of thousands of dollars for the 8 years she’s been there.  While I can’t believe she’s going to be there another 8 years, she’s defied all odds, so I’m not even going to guess…that’s a lot of money for people in their 90s.  They never expected this.  My dad was starting to worry that there wasn’t going to be enough for him if he ended up in the same situation.  

My sister has long term care insurance.  Recently the premiums have increased dramatically while the coverage decreased.  I would have thought that insurance companies are obligated to keep the agreement of the first year you sign up.  But, obviously, people are living longer, the insurance companies are having to pay out more so they’re reducing the benefits, and that financial burden on the insured is significant.  So that’s what haunts me vis a vis my husband and me.  Because you cannot predict.  We never predicted this was going to happen to my mom.  We thought it might happen to my dad because of his heart, but not my mom.  Cora is so right when she said that people don’t realize that increasingly, medical out of pocket expenses are going to increase.  People think once they’re on Medicare they’re home free, but that’s NOT the case. You have to plan for it.  The statistics are abysmal for the baby boom generation. We have not saved enough, and that burden will only fall on the rest of society as we get older.

For our parent’s generation, I believe that over 50% of that segment of the population has pensions that were guaranteed by the company that they’d worked for.  When our generation gets there, it will be significantly lower. There are a lot of pension funds that people are expecting to receive, that may not be there because so many pension funds are underfunded.  So it’s even more incumbent on people now to be saving for their future.  The folks in our parents’ generation were savers; they went through the Depression.  We haven’t had that shock to our system.  We’re going to work and save until the day we drop…and not only for the need to save, but also for the need to keep our brains stimulated.  The guest speaker at the last Amazing Care lunch in Oakland was a woman from OLLI (Osher Lifelong Learning Institute in Berkeley) who said that ongoing education will be a big contributor to keeping us alert and happy. 

Which is why I feel blessed to be a board member of this amazing startup called the Amazing Care Network – I have the opportunity to learn from Cora and the other board members how to build a lasting company that contributes to the well-being of us all. 

Join ACN! Learn more HERE. If you’re an ACN Member and would like to be featured, please contact amazingcarenetwork@gmail.com.