One of the most commonly known and accepted psychological concepts is that grief proceeds in stages. The stages — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – were actually discovered by visionary death-and-dying expert Elizabeth Kubler-Ross to describe the process patients go through as they come to terms with their terminal illness(es).

The stages are:

  1. Denial & Isolation – deny the reality of the situation, buffer the immediate shock of the loss, numbing us to our emotions
  2. Anger – reality and its pain re-emerge, we are never prepared for those emotions so they often get redirected and expressed instead as anger
  3. Bargaining – if only reactions to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability
  4. Depression – sadness, worry and regret
  5. Acceptance – not always a period of happiness, this phase is marked by withdrawal and calm… reaching this stage of grieving is a gift not afforded to everyone, some may never see beyond anger or denial

Studies show that grievers don’t progress through these stages in a set order. Some skip all but one, some repeat or add stages, some race through them or take a really long time to get to acceptance.  Grief usually looks more like a roller coaster of emotions.

No matter what your grieving process looks like, the good news is that it usually leads to acceptance. Show support to those grieving by reaching out, listening, acknowledging, expressing love, and by being sensitive to their process and needs.